Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
