couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
