While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
