Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
