hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
