did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
