There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
