I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
