So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
