Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
