Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
