i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
