Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
