i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
