I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
