There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
