I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
