Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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