Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Enjoy the penises
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
