i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
