It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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