He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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