I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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