She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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