im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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