I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
