This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
