I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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