I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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