We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
