i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
