Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
