shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
