i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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