Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
