You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
