I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
