The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
