i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
