will power is for people who don't want to get laid
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
