Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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