We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
