We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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