it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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