Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
