A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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