oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
