so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
