Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
