On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have aggressive nipples.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
