In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
