So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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