Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
A+ Viking dick
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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