I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
