Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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